Fatty Fat Fat Fat Fatness

That's what I call Addison all the time. Tonight she was laughing her head off about it (and the strange voice I was using!). It was adorable.

But the fatty I'm talking about here is ME, not her. As I approach the ripe old age of 30, I am finally gonna do it. I'm gonna lose weight. And to do so, I've got a great support group online (through babycenter), started going back to the gym (today), set little goals for myself so I don't get overwhelmed trying to make changes all at once, and will get myself slimmed down before having another kid (which won't be for awhile!) and hopefully get in habits that will stick. I need a lifestyle, not a lifetime of dieting whenever my weight gets higher than I want it to.

So, here's the brutal honesty. I weigh 226 lbs. I told myself for years I'd never let myself pass 200 lbs unless I was pregnant. Well, I got within a few pounds before getting pregnant with Maya. After she was born I dropped my pregnancy weight then slowly gained it back due to the hell her father put me through. I started losing some months later, then started dating Jared so my exercise time was occupied with him! I think I was 215/220ish when I got pregnant with Addison, only gained 15-20 lbs, dropped that quick, but when I was up feeding her/pumping at night, I was binging on whatever sweet carb I could find (and frequently bought or baked so it would be available) and my weight certainly wasn't improving. It's increased. Now my milk supply isn't going haywire (though there is still plenty to spare!), she's sleeping better, and I'm not up eating crap in the middle of the night. In addition to that, my first goal is no snacking after dinner.

I'm tracking my food and exercise on myfitnesspal.com. I started with sparkpeople, but that website is way too busy- I mean the type of "busy" that a print is on fabric. Way too much going on all over the place. Hard to navigate (maybe not so much once you get into it?). Myfitnesspal is great. It's simple, straightforward, and has this huge database of food that makes counting calories so easy. And supposedly there's a great app, but I lack a smartphone. One of these days...

So, there, the cold, hard truth is out. Though, seriously, why are we women so secretive about our weight? It's not like someone can't look at me and think oh, she's fat. Duh. I'm certainly no 150. Though I'd like to be... but for starters, my goal is 170. I was usually between 170-185 in college and felt like a fatty then, so I can certainly get back down there and reward myself with the smaller sizes of clothes I have sitting in the attic! Plus exercise will definitely help my mood during this sucktastic winter.