update on my fatness

Still fat. No way, right? :)

So I did that cleanse thing a couple weeks ago. Wow, I had willpower! I did it! Problem- milk supply tanked. I had it in my head that my baby would get fresh breastmilk (from the tap or pumped, whatevs) until at least 6 months. She was just shy of six months, so I started pumping like crazy. Unfortunately I overdid it so I'm dealing with overactive letdown and some engorgement again, but trying to deal with that. If that's TMI, sorry. At least I don't use one of these:

I do find that absolutely hilarious, though. But I don't breastfeed in public, anyway (besides at swap&play and in the mother's lounge at church. Neither of which is exactly "public").

In the great words of my mother, "anyway, anyway..." so I came to the conclusion that any major restriction of food intake (and that "cleanse" didn't even restrict calories that much) will have to wait until Addison is weaned. I made a new goal of 9 months. At this rate she'll probably make it to a year then I'll freak out about weaning because I will not be made a hypocrite and nurse past a year. I'll just have to remind myself I want to get skinny!

In the meantime, I am going to the gym. I have a goal of 3 days a week. I know that's wimpy, but life gets in the way. It takes an eternity to get out the door sometimes, sometimes I'm just too friggin' tired (between my depression and staying up too late for my alone-time sanity, then Addison not sleeping her best, I am exhausted some [many] days). Last week I only went once. Goal not accomplished. But once is better than not at all! I will try to be better next week! I may not see a huge difference in my size, but at least I can get in the habit of going and work up some more endurance for exercising. And once I get in the habit of 3 days a week, I'll increase to 4, then 5...

I'm trying not to step on the scale. It will just be discouraging. It's not really the number I'm worried about- it's going down a couple pants sizes. Fitting better into XL shirts. I don't like having to plus-size shop for tops. When I was thinner I could shop anywhere for tops (and bottoms, most of the time). My body shape changed since having kids- I'm not as pear-shaped as I used to be, but if I lost some weight, maybe I would be more? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

And since I know you want to see her cuteness, here's the darling little culprit behind me staying fat a little longer:

Maya is 3 and Bryson is 14

Maya's 3rd birthday:

peanut butter is yummy

Maya wanted to be a baby

I love this picture

Maya is 3. Wow. She's had a crazy 3 years. Lots of moves, new family members, learning and growing, and she is one crazy little girl but we love her!

Addison a couple days later

Bryson's birthday was celebrated with us almost 3 weeks late...

a 1 and 4 little ones= 14!

A couple months ago I went to pick up the older kids from their mom's and had to ask Bryson if he was sick or his voice was changing. It was the latter. He's getting taller and thinner and a deeper voice and recently I looked at him and wondered where the little boy went! I turned to Jared and said something like "he looks like a teenager!" Bryson is my favorite stepson. :) But really, he's a good kid with a good heart and I love having him around. Can't believe he's growing up so fast!

one last post before I hit the sack...

I know this blog is titled "our family," but it tends to just be about two little girls... next summer it'll involve the older 3 more since they'll be around more. my next posts will be about Maya's and Bryson's birthdays. And this one is for me (especially since I promised my babycenter weight loss group I'd blog about my journey!).

I'm down to about 219 lbs. That's going off Monday mornings before I eat, in my underwear weighings. In two days we'll see what the scale says. Tomorrow I start a cleanse of sorts with usana reset shakes (well, the nutrimeal part of it) and lots of fruits and veggies. Yes, it will certainly cleanse my innards! And the shakes are supposed to be formulated to help "reset" my metabolism and help ward off cravings. My friend, Brittney, does a modified version of their reset diet- what I'm going to do, and it's worked for her, so I'm going to give it a try! And if I can survive on that for five days, it'll prove to me I have the willpower to do better with my eating! I have been doing a lot better, I think (though not as well the last couple weeks as I did the first one!). I'm trying to provide better snacks for Maya, as well, and an awesome nutrition lesson (Louise rocks!) at our last mid-week activity for Relief Society helped me a ton in putting things into perspective! (Plus talking with all the "crunchy" moms around the Portland area makes me feel like I eat and feed my family total crap!) I watched King Corn on netflix and as much as I'd like to watch food, inc, and stuff like that, I think I'm going to avoid it because it'll affect me too much at this point and make me feel awful about what I'm eating and feeding my family (minus Addison, she's getting superfood from me, though those zillion jars of Gerber in her closet are waiting to fill her belly with all sorts of processed goodness). I know that's their point, and with my mindset right now, it would work. But like Jared and I talked about tonight, we're alive. So we eat processed foods. Big deal. We're alive and well, a few (times ten in my case) pounds heavier than we'd like to be, but things could be worse.

So... before I get too longwinded (I just deleted what began as a run-on sentence because it kept running and I need to sleep!), I'll just say: I'm trying. I could be doing better, and I hope to. Another step begins tomorrow with this cleanse, and I will step on the scale again Monday, get my butt to the gym, and keep going on my journey to fit into my size 16's (and even lower than that will be awesome!).

who said 5 month olds can't drive?

Dancing birthday girl

Maya loves to dance and I have no idea where she gets some of these crazy moves. The curvey pelvic thrust move (which I'm sure has a technical name) was our favorite. SO FUNNY. Here she is showing off her moves before her birthday dinner.

Maya in the snow

I haven't rewatched these with volume so pardon my gross man voice (at least that's what I hear when I hear my own voice!)

some women are dripping with diamonds

 January 2nd. I know, they look thrilled. :)

The rest of these pictures are at Eastside Swap & Play. We go at least 3 times a week and love it!

 January 23rd... it's impossible to get a decent picture of Maya these days. She makes goofy faces all the time. But I try!

Addison in this car was the cutest thing ever.

Jan 24th- cute girl!

 Maya playing in one of her goofy outfits. She dresses herself so I can't complain. She often looks ridiculous. I also can't complain because I get a lot of her clothes for free from Nana and from trading other stuff in at the swap!